south africa Archives | A Million Beautiful Pieces

A Million Beautiful Pieces August 31, 2018

The fire inside me is burning brighter

“I survived because the fire inside of me burnt brighter than the fire around me” – Felix H.

Too often we allow the circumstances of life to define our character. Yet character isn’t about the circumstances we have lived through; it is about how much we understand our value to God and how that influences us in the choices we make in those circumstances. That becomes the grit and the grace that fills us with determination not just to survive but also to thrive.

This year I challenged myself to new experiences and to give myself one year to live just for me. I say one year because as a parent to an adult with special needs, by default my life choices are always filtered by being her mother. To that end, I’m so excited to announce that I was able to change my career to pursue my dream.

I’m now a full time blogger, freelance writer and public speaker.

It was a big decision to make as I loved my previous career as an Assistive Technology Advisor. When I thought it through though, the aspect of that job which excited me the most was when I was teaching and training. So to have the opportunity to positively influence people through the medium of writing and speaking is hugely exciting.

This means I’m learning new skills that will help me to become better at my chosen craft. It means that after a year of experiences with this blog, and also entering the Mrs South Africa competition and then writing for sponsors; I’ve grown as a writer and public speaker.

Writing to influence people to live their best lives, to tell stories of human triumph and struggle that promotes self reflection and to influence society towards being kinder and more understanding is my great passion. Then as a speaker; I’ve always been a motivational speaker and I’ve had the opportunity to host a few events as an MC. Now I get to do that more often as a career. You can contact me via my website for my media kit or email me at desirae@amillionbeautifulpieces.co.za.

Having essentially felt like an outcast in society when I became a teenage parent then feeling the second wave of that exclusion when my daughter was diagnosed with a disability; left me feeling like an outsider in my own life. I know that when people have set backs or are on the road to picking up the pieces of their lives, it’s a lonely place to be if you don’t have people to champion you. I was blessed that along my journey I met people who reignited the fire inside me when it was in danger of burning out.

And that is what A Million Beautiful Pieces will be more about now. A place to find your strength and to know that you are not alone. Your life has value and you are valuable.

I’ve learnt this only in the last few years and what I know for sure is that: it’s a process. It’s taken all of my adult life to have the courage to pursue the career that I want.

In this process of becoming me, I’ve learnt this:

Be patient with yourself. It takes time to unlearn the unnecessary.
Self love is often confused with selfishness. Remember when you know how to love yourself, then only can you love someone else.
Oh man, this is what gets me out of bed in the mornings: This life… It’s yours. No one else can lay claim to how it is lived but you.

As I get up to face this last day of August I hope that the fire inside you burns brightly enough for you to live and love well in every moment of today.

That’s what makes life beautiful. ♥

My Story March 27, 2018

This is my story

I am a motivational speaker, an aspiring author and a blogger. I love, love to write but I had no idea that in my fortieth year, I would find the courage to take up my mantle as a full time inspirational speaker and writer. I did not begin my adult life planning to become an inspiration but God had his own plans for me.

I grew up in an unhappy home and by the age of eighteen I became a mother. Being a teen mother was painfully difficult but learning that my daughter, Savannah was diagnosed with cerebral palsy was even more so. It was a torrid period in my life. I was married and divorced by the time I turned twenty one years old. I mourned in silence the loss of my hopes and dreams for my daughter and for myself; as I slowly came to grips with the reality of her diagnosis.

Teenage pregnancies and sex outside marriage was frowned upon then just as much as it is now. It’s still astonishing to me that even now we don’t do enough to address the “why” young women look for love in all the wrong ways in the wrong people. My own self loathing and self doubt coupled with the taunts of those around me should have destroyed me. The assumptions that I would not be able to parent a child, and more so be capable to parent a child with a disability, chipped away at what little self-esteem there was left in me.

I have journeyed a long way from the 18-year-old who thought she always had to do what everyone else deemed right for her. I was forced to do what was right for Savannah first and in so doing I slowly learnt to let go of everyone else’s expectations of me. Being Savannah’s mother meant learning to fight for her in ways that took me to the ends of myself. I had to learn to parent her while I was still trying to figure out what being a whole person meant for myself.

This is an incredibly difficult thing to do, even for parents who planned their lives and had everything go according to that plan. It is a complicated struggle to figure out who you are as a parent when your child has a disability. Sometimes the battles are not just with other people. The toughest battles are often the battles that erupt within us. As a parent of a child with a disability, it was incredibly difficult to fight my own preconceptions and expectations of who I wanted my child to be. I am still learning all the time, as each new season unfolds how to accept the life that lies before me.

Savannah has become an inspiration to many people from many different communities, but non more so than to me. She is also autistic and struggles with complications from her physical disability. She is the reason that my husband Michael and I met and fell in love. We have two more children: a daughter Talisa (16) and a son Eli (10). Savannah’s life continues to test my faith in God, in myself and in people and over and over again I find that Faith, Hope and Love remain.

I started out as a parent at eighteen and went on to carve out a most unique career that is diverse as it is fulfilling. From talking publicly about raising my family in the face of disability, to working as an assistive technology advisor, to being a motivational speaker, to using my skill as a speaker to host events and to conduct trainings in various sectors; I found so many beautiful pieces in these experiences that make up this life I live today.

I was chosen as a South African to Watch by #SA Bloggers for 2018 and I was awarded the Most Inspirational Blogger by the #SAMommyBloggerAwards.

My family lived through more heartaches and struggles than my 18-year-old self could have imagined she would survive. And yet I did.

I learnt that life is frail and must be handled with care.

I learnt that there are heartaches that will never be healed, but living with a broken heart doesn’t mean you are broken.

I learnt that people need people, but not everyone wants to be the person who is needed.

I learnt that unconditional love is real and a rarity, and I am blessed to know it.

I learnt to trust the process.

I learnt that people are always more important than things, always.

I learnt that God does not give his strongest fights to his strongest warriors. He helps normal, everyday people to face their difficulties and He never leaves them.

I learnt that…… my true self…… is made up of A Million Beautiful Pieces.

To book me for an event please click here:

This Is What I Do

Parent Support February 21, 2018

Children (including children with disabilities) Are Our Future Too

A few weeks ago I came across this infographic from the National Council of Persons With Disabilities which I shared on my private Facebook profile.

The stripping away of the rights of people with disabilities is a lived reality. Whether they experience one or two of the denials or all ten, or more; it is a human rights violation and it is EVERYONE’S job to put an end to it.

So I was pleasantly surprised when two old friends who read that post asked what they could do to make a difference in South Africa to children with disabilities. My answer was simple: listen to people with disabilities instead of deciding for this community what they need. People with disabilities can help us to understand better than anyone what will be the most helpful supports for them. A few days later I was sent information about a joint project by The Solomon Academy and Bishop Bavin School (Bedfordview, South Africa). The Bishop Bavin School Pilot Project aims to educate and accommodate six learners with physical disabilities from sub-optimal backgrounds into Grade six at the school this year.

The learner’s educational plan will be individually designed to accelerate their skill set by ensuring the learners have the necessary technology as well as individual tutoring and medical aid. This project believes that every child deserves the best chance of gaining entrance to university. Furthermore, they aim to increase that number to twelve in 2019.

Now that’s doing something to put the power back in the hands of these learners. This is presuming competence and having faith with works.

The Solomon Academy is also running the Wheelchair Basketball Training Centre Rollout project at the school. Learners will acquire the skills needed to play and compete but the project needs a building to house the court, accommodation for the learners at the school, equipment and more. The aim is to house 40 children in the school by 2020 who will be part of this project. For international funders, this is a great opportunity to get involved in uplifting South African learners from previously disadvantaged backgrounds as well as aiding in furthering the policy of Inclusive Education. A capital prospectus is available for review for this project on request.

If you are like my two friends who want to make a difference, a REAL difference; then please speak to your places of employment about contributing towards a bursary or bursaries for the learners. Companies will qualify for B-BBEE points in either the Skills Development category of the new B-BBEE Scorecard or in the Socio-Economic Development category of the Scorecard. There other financial benefits for individuals such as tax rebates in terms Section 18 A of the South African Income Tax Act. Simply put you can get money back from the tax man when you donate.

It’s a win-win situation both for the learners, the school and for corporate and private South Africa. If you can’t contribute financially, there are other opportunities that will enrich your life even more than what you will do for a learner at the school, such as joining the volunteer program.

To help a child to get an education is the greatest gift you can give; especially when that child due to disability might otherwise be denied access to an education. Let’s stop throwing a pity party when we meet a person with a disability, and let us genuinely help to change the course of a persons life.

Have a chat with Andy Fraser or Quentin Robinson of The Solomon Academy to find out how you can help either with the Basketball initiative or with the learnership programme.

Andy Fraser 083 326 2928 or email andy@solomonacademy.org.za

Or

Quentin Robinson 083 446 6411 or email quentin@solomonacademy.org.za

or Donate to

Bank: S A Bank of Athens
Account number: 3000 000 4682
Branch code: 410506
Account Name: Bishop Bavin School
Reference: Solomon Academy

A Million Beautiful Pieces February 15, 2018

The Ones Left Behind by Sue Robins

As a woman raising women and being married to a husband who believes I can do anything; our family are always aware of the gender inequality in society.

Then I am aware of the inequality in how people with disabilities are treated.

When you mix all that together, I am living the truth of the inequality against mothers like me. Women who are expected to be Super Woman in all areas of our lives while maintaining an income.

Currently I am struggling to find the right care for Savannah while I maintain a job. I have to work so we can provide everything our family needs. The notion of giving it all up and staying at home to take care of her full time sounds so heroic to many people but it is also folly for many families like us. Medicine and therapy costs us quite a lot of our income every month. We pay above medical aid rates for doctors and medical aid doesn’t cover everything that Savannah needs. Now that she is over twenty one years old, we are charged more by our medical aid company.

Please note that we live in South Africa and our government only provides a minimum social grant for people with disabilities that in our case will only cover the cost of one of Savannah’s medicines. We do not have suitable social programmes to assist families like ours in our country and when they do exist; corruption is rife.

So long story short… I have to work. And while my employers are the exception who are flexible and accommodating, being a mother to a child with a disability means I can’t plan for a career because I don’t know what bend Savannah’s life will take. I am mom… I have to be there for all of those bends.

If you believe in equality and in raising the stature of women in society, then please read this article by Sue Robins and add mothers like us to your cause.

We cannot only take care off a few demographics of women in society and leave the rest behind. A woman’s fight is every WOMEN’s fight.

We are the mothers who feminism – and the world – has left behind.

My Services July 10, 2017

This Is What I Do

Most recently I changed careers to work as a trainer, a public speaker and a freelance writer. It is my great love to teach. To use the mediums of speaking and writing to do that is a wonderful opportunity.

In my professional career my great passion was teaching and training. As a facilitator for training sessions, I know that it is vital to ensure that everyone understands the content, they feel confident to engage in the session and that they find value in the time that is spent in training. It gives me great satisfaction when trainees feel confident at the end of a session.

As a speaker, I am passionate about helping people to live their best lives. Using the experiences that shaped my life from being a teenage single mother in post apartheid South Africa to building a family and a career and now to facing the future with an adult child who will require full care, has taught me so much about what influences our decision making especially when one has to choose from a set of bad options. As a motivational speaker my goal is to share stories that remind people about the preciousness of each moment and that life is still beautiful.

As a writer, last year I entered the blogging space to contribute to social change in my own small way. I have learnt a little something about human behaviour because of the unusual circumstances that my life path has followed. Writing and sharing my insights is a way to give a little Faith, Hope and Love to the world. For my journey as a writer, I have also embarked on content writing for businesses which is an interesting avenue and one that creates diversity in my ability as a writer.

If you would like to engage with me in any of these capacities please complete the form below:

My Inspiration July 10, 2017

Soul Sharers

This poem is one of my favourite poems of all time.

It perfectly encapsulates my life from how broken and confused I felt for so long to how I learnt to be comfortable with myself just as I am.

It also impresses on me how much compassion and kindness we all need.

I remember when the world broke in,
To rip apart my soul,
For years after that one event,
I thought myself not whole,
My hours were spent with trying,
To fix it up with tape & glue,
Until one day I discovered,
Everyone else was broken too,
Here we were with pieces,
Of ourselves in both our hands,
So fragile and so open,
That I began to understand,
Maybe I’d been greedy,
To want my soul all to myself,
When it could be a lot more helpful,
In the palms of someone else,
Now every time I go somewhere,
I leave part of me behind,
And collect all of the pieces,
Of others’ souls that I can find,
So when I’m meeting someone new,
It’s not just me they get,
But also tiny fragments,
Of all the others that I’ve met,
And my life’s become much bigger,
Now that it’s home to things so small,
And if this is what “broken” means,
I do not mind at all.
– Erin Hanson

Image credit: Michon van Staden