This Is My Story

winding road

You cannot be depressed-Then there was me

I did not realise that so soon after starting the blog, I would feel compelled to share a deeply personal struggle that has taken most of my adult life to overcome. The apparent suicide of Charles Bennington came up in my Facebook feed a few times over the last days. I have not listened to his music so I can’t say that I reacted as his fans have reacted. However, the fact that he may have committed suicide was what caught my attention. Ever since I was thirteen years old ...
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grandmother and granddaughter

Few people would choose a child like mine

My mother-in-law is sick. Very sick. It’s quite surreal for us because she is the centre of the family. It’s painful to watch someone with so much energy and with such zeal find themselves in tremendous physical discomfort as old age encroaches. This post though wasn’t prompted by her illness. It was prompted when I saw this on a Facebook timeline “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down”, from the Book of Proverbs in the Bible. I immediately thought of ...
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Desirae and son, Eli

I’m rising on a point of order

Just when I decided to start writing, it seems as if my world has tilted and requires all my strength including my reserves to get it back on even keel. Suddenly I can’t find time to write as every ounce of me is consumed with just making everyday life run smoothly. Yet insistently and persistently a couple of ideas are impatiently marinating in my head. Each insisting it should be written first. But NO. Right now I have to bring myself to a point of order: a. Find a domestic ...
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out in the ocean

The Anchor

For Savannah Diwali, Halloween and New Years are very stressful days. So stressful that she is anxious months before when Spring begins. To add to her anxiety at the beginning of this September her caregiver left us without notice. At the same time both Eli and I fell ill and needed to have small procedures in separate hospitals just days apart. It was a rough time but not the first rough time that we have experienced.  We handled it because that is what you do. For us, we no longer ...
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Mother and daughter(Desirae & Talisa)

You need only be your own HERO-A letter to my second daughter for her birthday

(Published with permission of Talisa Pillay) Honey-girl, It’s your birthday week. I am so excited for you. You are growing into a young woman so quickly. I love how your ideas are changing and how we can talk more and more about more complex “girl stuff”. Yet, I am also acutely aware of how much time we have left before your life choices become all your own. Three Christmases and then you will be finished with school. Yikes! That’s sobering to say the least. Maybe seven or eight Christmases until ...
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We are grateful when our child with special needs is acknowledged

Our family had a great treat on Saturday when Savannah was able to attend a wedding with us. After attending so many functions as a family of four; it was awesome to finally attend something as a family five. What fun it was to get dressed. A very dear friend loaned Savannah a beautiful Punjabi (a traditional middle eastern garment) to wear. She spent days looking at it and feeling it so that she could become used to the texture and colours. Savannah struggles with sensory processing difficulties, amongst other ...
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When Love Is Not Enough

I have been struggling to write. A recent awareness day event about Cerebral Palsy touched a chord within me and messed with my heart. I was a guest speaker at the event which focused on inspiring younger families with children with cerebral palsy about what possibilities life held for them and that the diagnosis was not the end. I listened to the stories of hope and sacrifice and achievement. I understood what it was to be the mother who spoke about these things. But that day I felt desolate and ...
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Peace be upon you

I matriculated from a Catholic School where mass always ended with Father Dryden’s greetings “Peace be upon you”, to which we replied “and also with you”. Over these last few weeks that greeting resurfaced in my memory. In the middle of a storm in my heart that greeting became a rainbow. A promise of something I thought I would never know: Peace As an ordinary Christian for the last 17 years I read many times about the Peace that Christ left for us. But I never understood it because in ...
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The Past And The Present Met

It is already two weeks into the New Year and this is my first blog post for 2018. My hope for you is that wherever you are in life today, that this is the year you will know resounding Joy and have boundless Courage. I learnt alot about that in 2017. I realised that I found my Courage a long time ago but it has taken all of my adult life to find Joy. This holiday season has truly been Joyful which is an amazing description for me to give ...
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I Know Different by Tricia Proefrock

I don’t believe in assuming what Savannah might be thinking, but just as I imagine what I’d like Talisa or Eli to think about me, sometimes I imagine what deeper conversations are denied to Savannah and I because of her disability. “I know different” by Tricia Proefrock helps my imagination and lightens some of the burdens of my heart. May it do the same for those of you who walk the same path. And may it help you to be Different to us if you are not on this path ...
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