Talisa Pillay Archives | A Million Beautiful Pieces

My Story October 20, 2018

It’s a Celebration: Talisa is Sixteen

Today Talisa turns sixteen years old. Where did the time go? As we reminisce over the last sixteen years, I’m thankful for so much. Mostly I am thankful for the special relationship that Michael shares with Talisa.

Few fathers understand how to be a dad to a daughter in the different phases of her life. Michael was raised in a very conservative family who believed that wearing dresses, amongst other patriarchal ideas, was how a women showed her dignity. The focus of what made a strong, courageous woman was placed on all the physical aspects of being a woman, and not on what counted….a woman’s heart, mind and soul.

Far from his conservative upbringing, Michael has raised his daughters with the freedom to express themselves and with the confidence in knowing that nothing they do will ever change his love and commitment to them. They are his greatest delight and his deepest heartache as he mourns silently all that Savannah will not experience in her life as a woman with a disability.

From the softness he shows his daughters in so many ways; to indulging their musical tastes; to patiently waiting outside change-rooms while they try on clothing or can’t decide what colour blusher to buy; to waiting while they take over the mirror in our bathroom; to accepting that he will buy hair bands and lip glosses far too often; to sitting up at night until Talisa completes her homework: Michaels’ heart has completely been flooded by being a father to his daughters.

When a girl child is honoured and respected by her father; when she is made to feel capable, and still has a safe place with her dad to be vulnerable; she becomes the most remarkable gift he can ever give the world. A women who is whole.

Today as we celebrate Talisa’s sixteenth birthday, I am so emotional remembering the day she was born. I remember looking at her in my arms and telling Michael that he need only remember two things about raising a daughter:

The first is that you are guaranteed (for the most part) the first eighteen years with them until they become independent. That means only eighteen Christmas mornings when your children are all yours. To me if an average lifespan is seventy years then eighteen seemed like just a drop in our entire lives. So Michael and I agreed to do our best to make those eighteen years as amazing as possible.

Eighteen years where we will hold every moment with tenderness and gratitude before it slips away.

The second piece of revelation or advice if you will, that I gave Michael was don’t ever, ever let your daughters down. Never. Daughters will need their fathers because when you don’t have a dad, the world thinks nothing of breaking you. It knows you have nowhere to go.

Be the dad whose daughters don’t have to look for love in the wrong places or test life to figure out what Love feels like. A strong, capable women already knows what Love really is because she soars from the shoulders of the mighty man who raised her. And when she needs a soft place to land, it is usually right back in her daddy’s arms.

Today as Talisa turns sixteen she makes us so proud to be her parents. She is a remarkable sister, a genuine friend, a blessing to her grandparents, and in so many ways she is both mine and Michael’s ‘right hands’. She is my delight and her fathers greatest gift to the world.

Happy Sixteenth Birthday Talisa. You will always have my voice in your ear praying for you and my hand in yours whenever you need me. So too you will always have your dads’ arms to hold you and his shoulders to soar from. When the time comes for you to soar, don’t be afraid to fly high my darling. The view will be spectacular.

Never forget why we chose your name. May it be a reminder that God is always with you. We love you.

(The meaning of the name “Talisa” is: “Consecrated to God”.

Categories: Hindu Names, Indian Names, Sanskrit Names.

Used in: English speaking countries, Hindu speaking countries.

Gender: Girl Names.

Origins: African-American.– https://www.thenamemeaning.com/talisa/)

A Million Beautiful Pieces August 9, 2018

Guest Post: I Can Only Imagine by Talisa Pillay

Today, as we celebrate Women’s Day in South Africa and my family celebrates our eldest daughter Savannah’s 22nd birthday, this guest post is a touching tribute to sisterhood, the value of relationships and love in its purest forms. It was a great reminder to me about simply accepting life for what it is. About living in the moment and to appreciate that my daughters are much braver than I could have hoped for.

Talisa my second daughter wrote an essay for a school assessment. Yesterday when she received her score she was thrilled and as soon as I arrived home from work, she asked me to read it. I was blown away. Not only by my daughter’s writing but by the depth of her content and her bravery to share an emotional and personal story.

For Women’s Day 2018, I honour my daughters by sharing their story as written by Talisa Pillay: I Can Only Imagine.

“My worst fear is to be trapped. To be stuck with no way of escaping. To know that no matter how many times I try to break down the walls, I just end up being pushed down again: like an unwanted toy, shoved into the darkness of a cupboard. When my voice becomes one with the stale air around me.

My sullen thoughts are suddenly interrupted by a strange sound. I frown, creating creases on my forehead, as I try to riddle out where exactly the sound is coming from. I stride over to my window to hear if the sound is coming from outside. As I gaze out onto the brown, lifeless grass; I realise that the strange sound is music. It is not coming from outside but from the room next door.

A wide grin stretches across my face like the sun’s bright rays on the earth. I close my eyes and let the jumble of music dance in my ears and sail through my memories. It starts off with Whitney Houston’s ” My love is your love”, jumps to “Shake it off” by Taylor Swift, slides to Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” and ends with a bang to “Desi Girl” a beloved Bollywood song.

I’m smiling now because not only do I know all the songs from the top of my head, but I also know who is playing the songs and why. Sometimes when words fail her, music is the only way of expressing her most inner, intimate feelings. Music is entwined with her soul. Marvelous isn’t she? My older sister Savannah, my Savannah. That’s who she is.

As I open my eyes back to reality, I turn to my ancient wooden desk and see my forgotten cup of tea begging to be drunk. I let my black leather chair engulf me as I sip my now iced tea. There is a bouquet of soft white, purple and pink flowers that I catch myself staring at as though I might spot an ant on the dainty petals.

Savannah picked them out for me. She’s honestly the most humble, thoughtful human on this wide wide planet. In all fairness she shouldn’t have to be. Do you know why? Because although she has a smile that will melt ice and a laugh that will drive away your misery and a brave, precious, enduring soul; she also has a body that works against her. Yes, she is a person with complex disabilities.

Please don’t pity her or shower with bland, meaningless “You are such an angel” or “You are a special girl” but pity us people who get so annoyed for not being able to understand her slurred speech when it’s not her fault. And through all of this she still loves unconditionally and gives when we don’t deserve it.

She is the real warrior in this upside down world. I don’t know how she does it and I guess I never will. As the last drop of tea knocks against my lips, all I know is that…..I can only imagine.”

Posted with the permission of Talisa Pillay and Savannah Pillay

Happy Women’s Day to WOMEN everywhere!

My Story February 27, 2018

Loving Savannah – by Talisa Pillay

What a surprise for Michael and I to read Talisa’s essay. Her teacher wrote”Look after Savannah – she is a blessing. Treasure what you guys have. I think with some polish you can be a great writer”.

I agree.

Here it is.. Talisa’s perspective.

Who is Savannah? You may ask. Well she is my almost twenty year old sister. No biggie,right. You are probably thinking just a twenty year old girl in varsity who goes out to parties and gets her hair done every week at the salon. Just like any other twenty year old. But she is different. Savannah is uniquely different.

Savannah is autistic and has cerebral palsy. Autism affects how she experiences the world. Her brain is just wired differently. Cerebral Palsy affects her body. It doesn’t function the way ours does. She also had an operation to correct her scoliosis. She had rods put into her back to keep her up straight. The good news is that her back is straight. The bad news is that she lost her ability to walk and now uses a wheelchair.

That was honestly the hardest time for me. I couldn’t grasp the idea that one minute Savannah and I were playing Hide-and-Seek, and the next minute she couldn’t even get from the bedroom to the bathroom on her own.

During that time we lived in a tiny townhouse in a complex. Our unit was upstairs, so my parents carried Savannah up and down those stairs for four years. Eli , my brother was a baby then, so they also had to carry him up and down those stairs. Savannah and I shared a room since I was two years old. When she had the operation I was six years old and my parents tried to get me to sleep in another room. But I didn’t want to be away from her.

Even though the house was small, I have the best memories of that time. Savannah and I used to dance together all the time (before the operation), and we played “teacher-teacher” or “doctor-doctor”. It did not worry me in the slightest way that Savannah was different from other sisters. In my eyes she was and is as perfect as can be.

In 2013, we moved to a bigger house. This house was like a palace compared to our tiny house. It has a pool, a front and back garden, a lapa and even a cottage for my Gran. My Gran’s cottage is way bigger than our old house.

We all have our own rooms. It was weird for me at the beginning; not having Savannah with me. Eventually I got used to it. But there are still times when I miss having her in the same room as me.

I am an animal lover and the best thing that happened to us, is that we have a dog now. His name is Jaime and sometimes he sleeps in my room, sometimes in Savannah’s room and sometimes in my parent’s room. This was the start of a new chapter for my family.

Savannah no longer attends school as she cannot cope with it. She used to attend the Johannesburg Hospital School for autistic learners, but after the operation, she was unable to physically and mentally cope. My parents tried respite care for Savannah to have a break from us and for my parents to have a break from caring. It’s not easy being a parent, but being a parent to a person with special needs is much tougher. We thought we all needed the break but it was not so.

It was too weird not having Savannah there with her music blaring out when I got home from school. I felt sad that she was not there to ask me a million questions about my day. Although these things can sometimes be annoying, that is what makes this family. We all felt lost and empty. I missed her. We all did. When she came back we couldn’t let her go again because our home was not the same without her.

She spends her week days at home and my mother has designed a program so that she is still learning. Everyone in our home helps Savannah to do something everyday. It can be baking, tracing letters and numbers or helping her to type e-mails to her old friends. She can’t read or write but uses a special picture program to type. On week-ends she does whatever we are doing as a family. Sometimes she has her own plans with her friends.

All Savannah’s quirks and strange ways, have made our family weird and unique. I would not want to change that! I will always continue Loving Savannah.