mentalhealth Archives | A Million Beautiful Pieces

A Million Beautiful Pieces December 21, 2021

Guest Post: Six ways to support your mental health this season

The holidays are meant to be filled with joy, but they can also be stressful and challenging as many of us struggle with mental health. Looking after your wellbeing is more important than ever at Christmas time.

But, with uncertainty looming thanks to Covid numbers rising, the extra stress of navigating family dynamics and worries about loneliness for some, you might be in need of some serious survival tips to get through the festive season.

With this in mind, our Panda team have shared their invaluable tips on ways you can support your mental health this festive season.

Six ways to support your mental health this festive season

Christmas carols are playing on the radio, tinsel is winking at us from the shops, and most of us are feeling – well, a little flat.

The festive season can be challenging at the best of times, given the flurry of last-minute activities and the pressure to have a wonderful time. This is often exacerbated by feelings of loneliness, and a natural reaction to the loss many have experienced at a time when we are urged to value those around us. Throw in the climbing Covid-19 statistics, a new variant, and it’s easy to understand why the prevailing mood is one of depression, anxiety and angst, rather than festivity.

The good news? There’s plenty you can do to boost your mental and emotional wellness at this time.

Release the pressure

No, you don’t have to feel as if it’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, you don’t have to go to another party if you don’t want to or don’t feel safe to do so. No, you don’t have to deck the halls. We receive a lot of messages from the media around this time of year, telling us how we ‘should’ be feeling, and the outcome is that we may feel guilty, resentful and out of sorts if we don’t fit in with the image of the ‘perfect’ festive break. The solution? Ditch the sense of obligation, and lower your expectations. The reality is that for some people, this time of year isn’t magical at all – it can be really hard. If you fit into this category, give yourself permission to feel unhappy.

Take care of the basics

This is a message you would have heard many times over the past year, but that doesn’t make it any less valid: all the emotional ‘stuff’ is a lot easier to deal with if your physical wellbeing is taken care of. That means eating well (perhaps even giving up some of the indulgences of the season), getting enough sleep and exercising.

Don’t be afraid of disappointing others

The meaning of Christmas has become blurred behind a flurry of commercial messaging – which means that there is a heavy emphasis on extravagant gifting. That can place enormous pressure on those of us who are battling with the economic fallout from Covid – or who simply don’t want to buy into consumerism. What to do..? Stand your ground. Have a conversation with those who will share your celebrations and maybe set some ground rules: perhaps you can all agree to give presents to the children only, for example, or set a price limit on gifts. Accept that you may be able to please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time….

By the same token, try to resist some of the social pressure that comes with this time of year. If you don’t feel like the drama of an intense family or friends ‘get-together’, explain that you’re happy to pop in for an hour or so, but cannot stay longer. See how it goes, don’t over commit.

Reach out to a professional

It’s ironic that although more people than ever are suffering from mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety, generally speaking, society still stigmatises these conditions – to the extent that many remain reluctant to seek assistance when they might desperately need it. The ‘Join Panda’ App provides a great solution in the form of a free-to-download app that makes it possible to access community support; check out information around mental wellness, and even get expert help, anonymously. The app, which is free of any charges in 2021, also has the functionality to track and monitor progress, using a gamified approach which makes the process far less daunting. Available via Apple store here https://apps.apple.com/za/app/join-panda/id1573239587 or Android here: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.joinpanda.panda or search for ‘Join Panda’ in the app stores.

Gift yourself

It’s natural to think of others at this time of year, but concentrate on what will help you to remain calm and happy. Would it help to review and reset your boundaries? Do you need some time out – a quiet morning, a meditation, or a walk? Figure out what you need, and take the time to do it. A long chat with an old friend or a deep and meaningful one with a counsellor? Consider downloading the Panda app when you feel stressed, alone or just a bit sad- you will be able to talk to others who understand your feelings, or even a counsellor if you need.

Plan ahead

It’s not possible to avoid all the stressors that come with the festive season. There will be work tasks to complete before travelling, travel chaos and activities to attend. There will be lots of indulgences that might leave you feeling physically sluggish and lacking the vitality to tackle problems. There will probably be an odd argument with a family member (or two). Try to plan your days to give yourself enough time to recuperate and revive after all that socialising. This will give you a little space to make plans that will be less stressful, like time out to do your hobbies.

Background on the Panda Mental Health Support App:

The Panda App makes mental health support more accessible

With so few South Africans receiving the help they need, there’s a potential solution to this challenge in the form of the Join Panda app – a free-to-download digital app that is designed to put mental health information, community support and expert help literally in the palm of your hand.

The Panda App is the brainchild of Allan Sweidan, a clinical psychologist who previously co-founded and headed up the Akeso Group of Psychiatric Hospitals, and Alon Lits, former General Manager and Director of Uber in Sub-Saharan Africa. The app makes it easy for anyone to invest time into their mental wellbeing by anonymously connecting to an array of valuable resources to assist them on their journey to improved mental health.

Users of the app have free access to the ‘Forest’, which allows them to engage with a community of other app users who may be facing similar challenges. The app also offers assessment tools to enable users to measure their mental well-being. A gamified tracking tool lets users document and monitors the progress they are making on their personal mental health journey.

Anonymity is key to so many health-support programmes, as many people are reluctant to publicly share their personal challenges, and this is core to the Panda app.

For many people across the country, mental health support is considered to be inaccessible or too expensive. While it’s estimated that a third of all people will at one time or another experience at least one mental health issue during their lifetime, many of these individuals don’t have the luxury of time, money, medical aid, or even transport to find a professional with whom to discuss their anxieties or feelings of depression. This makes the digital format for care a welcomed alternative solution.

For anyone who feels too afraid or stigmatised, or for whom mental health care and support are simply not available or affordable, the free-to-download digital Panda App has been designed to provide them with easy access to mental health information, community support and expert help. Available on app stores by searching “Join Panda” or the app stores or via

the Apple store here https://apps.apple.com/za/app/join-panda/id1573239587

Android here: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.joinpanda.panda).

Find us on social:

Twitter @JoinPandaApp – https://twitter.com/JoinPandaApp

Instagram: JoinPanda_App – https://www.instagram.com/joinpanda_app/

Facebook: @JoinPandaApp – https://www.facebook.com/JoinPandaApp/

LinkedIn: JoinPanda linkedin.com/joinpanda

A Million Beautiful Pieces November 9, 2021

A Life Worth Living -JoinPanda

Last month my post Dream a new dream was about the challenges parents of children with disabilities face when it comes to their own mental health. On my radar was a new application to investigate: JoinPanda which aims to give everyone access to mental health support. I was very intrigued.

Image is a black and white panda. The word panda is written in bold whit font below. The background is blue.

JoinPanda is a uniquely designed app where everyone who has access to the internet can join the specific live interactive sessions for free which are led by experts or peers on specific topics impacting mental health today. There is so much more too.

I like their bold mission: Everyone should have access to mental health support and resources that enable lives worth living.

The Corona Virus Pandemic accelerated the use of online platforms for social closeness. Many people who were against digital platforms found that it was the only way to connect with family, friends, colleagues, for their educational and recreational needs. More pages on social networks have been opened for support and closeness. We are now finding that our sense of belonging exists in the online groups we join. Our communities.

Bu these online communities don’t always enable a life worth living. We have more people struggling with mental health issues because of these social networks.

JoinPanda is not a social network.

It aims to “be the go-to community and marketplace for mental health care and content”.

Image is a table with three columns. The first colums lists the features of Panda, the second column lists the corresponding description, and the last colums list what features are free or paid for.

That is why I am excited about JoinPanda’s free Live Interactive Sessions (beautifully named “In the forest”, which I love), the Assessments and the Track your progress features. In my own time and in privacy, I can join sessions and engage in assessments and activities that easily give me the tools to care for myself. For further help and as a paid-for service, the Life Skills Training, and text-based Chat Support are also services that are available.

What JoinPanda means to me?

I survived childhood trauma, abuse, being a teenage mother, depression, divorce, parenting a child with multiple disabilities, and often I held on by the barest of threads. I could not afford counselling and support groups were few and far between. I could not identify that my mental health was a priority nor how to care for myself. It took a long road of heartache, pain, resilience, and courage to get to this point in life. It was a journey that taught me the value of support and a gift that I try to give to other people facing those same challenges. I am excited that JoinPanda is here and accessible to everyone so that care is only a touch away.

I will be hosting a session on Thursday, 11 November 2021 from 21:00 to 22:00 on “Support and networking for parents who are long term caregivers to their teen/adult with special needs”. Please come along and let’s learn from each other.

You can JoinPanda too

To join simply download the app here for your IOS or Android device. Sign up using the Promo Code ambp4panda, find the session title you are interested in and join. It is that simple and it is for everyone.

Desirae has three children: Savannah (25 years), Talisa (19years) and Eli Michael (13 years). Savannah was born when Desirae was eighteen years old and she was a single mother for a time before marrying Michael. Savannah is autistic and is a person with cerebral palsy. Michael and Desirae care for Savannah as she cannot live independently. Desirae worked as an Assistive Technology Advisor in the disability sector, served in the autism community, and is now employed in the child safety sector. She writes for the purpose of sharing different perspectives and to encourage a thinking line around being kinder and more considerate of other people’s experiences in the areas of parenting, childhood trauma and disability. She writes because she knows that Faith, Hope and Love abide.

A Million Beautiful Pieces October 30, 2021

7 Tips for parents in the trenches – parenting children with special needs in the holiday season

The Christmas season is rolling around again and in less than a few weeks schools will close for the summer holidays, families will be finalising travel plans or everyone will finally agree that turkey does not have to be on the menu.

Many families are looking forward to the festivities, and yet there is a marginalised group who love and hate this season. For parents of children with challenges, this time of year can be a stark reminder that they are parenting from the trenches.

When the holiday season is not full of cheer, we learn to parent from the trenches

This is me working as a motivational speaker. I was the keynote speaker for this event. I returned home and helped Savannah to bathe, and then took her to spend time with her friend. Learning to balance is key for so many parents like me.

When Savannah was in school, this time of year was incredibly difficult for me. The end of the school year was also the end of the routines that sometimes held families like mine in careful balance. Many children with special needs, do not always enjoy the holiday hustle and bustle. This makes for a time of year that is challenging for families.

Parents have to go it alone when caregivers go on leave or when support from family and friends becomes scarce. For families like us, we do not simply “go on holiday or join the big family lunch”. What is fun for the rest of society can be stressful for the family with a child with special needs.

During the intense years of my mothering journey, I juggled being Savannah’s caregiver (she is twenty-seven years old now) while also raising two neurotypical children Talisa (now twenty-one) and Eli (now sixteen) without consistent help, and during some of the most emotionally and mentally painful times of my life. I learned a great deal about resilience and grace. Today as somewhat of a professional parent, I know what it takes to parent from the trenches. Especially during the Christmas season.

These are some tips that worked for my family:

1.) Prepare everyone in your family for the changes in routines. Talk together about what those changes mean for each of you. Start speaking about it now and include your child with challenges in the conversation. Use age-appropriate language to explain what events will be coming up or what he/she can expect in the next week or so. Regularly talk about the plans.

To support your conversations you can use visual schedules and social stories to give a graphic meaning to what you are saying. This is especially helpful for children who have little or no functional speech or who are non-speaking.

2.) Plan for the holiday season even if you are going to be home. If you do not have a day-by-day plan, aim to have a general plan for who you will be seeing and who will be involved from your home. Many people become overwhelmed by feeling pressured by other people’s holiday agendas. If you have your plan set out first, you will already know what is realistic for your family to be part of.

3.) Do not commit to catering or providing a meal unless you are absolutely sure you can. If you know you won’t have time, rather ask the host if you can contribute financially or offer to buy something.

If you know that your child will cope better in their own home, then offer to host a party at your place. This works especially when you are the mum whose child needs a full-time carer, and you still enjoy throwing parties. Take note of who you invite though. I find that the best guests are the ones who help out and who don’t stand on ceremony. They are usually the kind of people who will also care for Savannah during the evening.

4.) If you are hosting a party, make sure your child knows who is coming. It is also acceptable if your child does not want to join the festivities. If it is not their sprinkle of magic, it is not their sprinkle of magic. It is also perfectly fine to decline invitations when you feel it will upset your own emotional or mental balance.

You have to parent in ways most other parents won’t understand. Saying no is a “Superpower” you want to have.

Desirae Pillay

5.) Please ask for HELP. Do not try to do it all. Shopping, cooking, and keeping everyone happy and entertained, can be overwhelming for many families and no one expects you to do it all and still be the life of the party.

I had to learn how to ask for help because somehow I believed that I had to do everything on my own. I think it was partly due to my gender and my culture and being a parent to a child with special needs. I felt bad about asking for more support. But I had to learn to ask for help because “mommy-ing” was hard even with my husband and my mother’s support.

These next tips are to help family and friends who want to be helpful to a family with a child with a disability:

6.) Please consider gifting a frozen meal. Many families do not always sit down to a warm, hearty meal when they are in the throes of meltdowns or tending to a sick child. A meal that can be heated on the days when they are just too tired to make dinner is honestly one of the best gifts to give a family who are caregivers all day and all night. Some families are on special diets, but what a treat and act of LOVE if you did take the time to provide the food they can eat.

7.) Finally, when a person uses a wheelchair, it is more challenging to get around busy spaces. It is helpful when people are considerate of that. If your invite is declined on those grounds, it only means that being able to move independently and sit comfortably for someone in a wheelchair is a big deal. A family like mine would rather not attend because we know we won’t enjoy the time if our child is uncomfortable. It does not make anyone a bad friend. It just means we can look at ways together to socialise where everyone is comfortable.

The greatest gift of all is – To Not Be Judged

If we seem tired or frustrated at times because of the high-demand lifestyle we live, please do not judge us. All day and every day, we are living between your world and our child’s world; constantly explaining your world to them, and their world to you. Yet we as carers fit in neither group. Still, we do it anyway because we love our children just as much as you love yours. Being able to care for them and celebrate with them is a gift many parents like me do not take for granted. We will do anything to keep it that way for as long as we can.

This Christmas please consider families like mine in your community and be to them what you would have them be to you if it was your child who needed what our children need: Faith, Hope, and Love.

Desirae has three children: Savannah (27 years), Talisa (21years) and Eli Michael (16 years). Savannah was born when Desirae was eighteen years old and she was a single mother for a time before marrying Michael. Savannah is autistic and is a person with cerebral palsy. Michael and Desirae care for Savannah as she cannot live independently. Desirae worked as an Assistive Technology Advisor in the disability sector, served in the autism community, and is now employed in the child safety sector. She writes for the purpose of sharing different perspectives and to encourage a thinking line around being kinder and more considerate of other people’s experiences in the areas of parenting, childhood trauma and disability. She writes because she knows that Faith, Hope and Love abide.