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A Million Beautiful Pieces January 22, 2019

My Greatest Gift This Year: Journey To You (Part Two)

Today’s post is about a new idea I used to develop a positive mindset for Talisa and Eli as they began the new school year. It seems that my participation in Journey To You is a gift that keeps on giving as the idea was one which I learned at the course. I posted part one of this journey a few weeks ago: “My Greatest Gift This Year: Journey To You”.

When I participated in the life coaching course Journey To You, we learnt a valuable exercise about self-awareness and self-love. There were many coaches taking small groups throughout the three-day course. My coach was Maligay Govender and this was one of the processes which she guided me through. I had to list positive attributes about myself on an A4 length of page. It could be what I thought of myself and what others have said about me. It was incredibly difficult to do because I saw myself in a negative light. With encouragement and friendly firmness Maligay encouraged me to get that list of positives done.

When I thought I was done, she challenged me to draw another column and to add more positive words about myself. It took a very long time for me to do that. Imagine that. I who believe in seeing life with possibility and beauty, could not find many positives attributes about myself . When I had filled out as much as I could, Maligay encouraged me to read it out loud with the words “I am” before each descriptive. There I was, feeling a bit silly but at the same time knowing I was standing on the edge of a big change. So I began:

“I am resilient.”

“I am loving.”

“I am wise.”

“I am resourceful.”

“I have nice eyes.”

“I am the best mum ever.” (Savannah frequently tells me this).

“I am soft.” (Eli’s description of me).

“I am a role model.” (That is how Talisa describes me),

and on and on I went listing off 43 positive aspects.

Maligay added her own descriptions about me which were very touching and it took me by surprise. She encouraged me to speak slowly and to think about each attribute. I can best describe the experience as a computer that had crashed and during this exercise was finally rebooting. Then I was back online. (I know it is strange that I compare this experience to a computer but I worked as an assistive technology advisor so it is still the lens with which I see some aspects of life.)

Last week I wrote about the importance of being mentally and emotionally prepared for back-to-school in the post Back-To-School:How you start is how you finish. I found great value in the exercise that I learnt at the course and introduced a simplified version of it to my children in our back-to-school preparation.

Talisa and Eli struggled to write down positive attributes about themselves. They both said it was easier to write down all the negative beliefs they held. I wonder where they got that from? Unfortunately they got that from me. It was a good lesson in the importance of mirroring self-care and self-love for children. What was even more meaningful is that Savannah was also part of making a list of her positive attributes. I verbally listed many positive words and she chose which attributes best described her. Then I wrote it down for her.

An example of positive personal attributes or character traits for children from http://www.teachingmaddeness.com/

When Talisa and Eli finished their list, they read it aloud with the words “I am” before each description. It was so moving to watch how their faces came to light and their posture changed as they went through the list. Like Maligay taught me to slow down and to be thoughtful about each description, I encouraged Talisa and Eli to do the same. It was a singularly empowering exercise and one that both children found enormous value in.

I realised that no one actively pursues holding onto negative beliefs about themselves. Yet life has a way of subtly bringing those negative beliefs to us as if it would be arrogance to think good of ourselves. Yet imagine going through life facing all those negative beliefs with a repository of positive personal truths to combat it with? It would simply be a Journey With Ourselves.

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23v7

The pursuit of academics and all it entails must also be a journey of self. Not one that destroys our children or costs them their emotional and mental well-being. Children are children for such a short time in the story of their life. Being self-aware and loving oneself is surely the route to loving others and to creating a fulfilling life.

Some of the coaches who guided the participants.

If you are feeling stuck in your journey, why not book a course with Journey To You. Not only will it free you to be yourself. It will empower you to be the best version of yourself and to mirror that for your family. For more information about the next course, click here.

And finally, I dare you to make a list of all your positive attributes and to say it out aloud. Let me know if you do. Believe me when I say that there is no journey worth taking like a Journey To You.

Thank you again to all the coaches, the participants and Deon Greonewald for this wonderful journey.

My Story October 4, 2018

Follow, Like, Share, Repost, Unfollow, Unfollow, Unfollow…

Woah! What a week it’s been. I’ve had a couple of balls up in the air with a few landing where I wanted it to, and others not landing at all. That is how life goes, right? You win some and you lose some. Some people work with you and others work against you.

The challenge is how to keep my pace, motivation and stamina to keep pushing forward. I know that owning my own truth and respecting the journey plays an important role in being successful wherever God plants me.

Last week I wrote about my affinity to Maleficent, a Disney fairy Queen, and this week I’ve been reflecting on the life of Frida Kahlo. I was speaking at an event where the theme was inspired by this controversial artist.

I know a little something about what a person goes through when living with physical pain that will only get worse. For this reason I have much respect for Frida Kahlo’s persistence to do what filled her soul and to express her journey with such blunt honesty.

In our age we are largely defined by the visual content that we share on social media platforms. We are able to instantly create a community with similar ideas to us and we quickly find ourselves belonging to a social network.

As a participant in a women empowerment programme earlier this year, I became aware of what makes a good selfie and what makes a great selfie. I’m not shy to admit I’m still hopeless at this. I don’t have a discerning eye for colours, lighting and poses. I just want to capture the moment in case I miss it. And so alas from time to time, you my dear readers will be subject to a few really bad selfies from me.

This new way of living whereby we capture our lives and shared it through visual mediums with the world is exciting. Businesses are flourishing as anyone can now make their products available far more quickly to a wider stream of people. Being a social media expert is also quickly becoming a career for many people.

It’s an exciting time to live in.

I wonder though if Frida Kahlo was alive today, would she enjoy the same level of respect and admiration as she has gained since her death? Would we have “liked” the graphic and violent artwork depicting her physical and emotional pain?

Broken Frame (1944) https://www.fridakahlo.org/the-broken-column.jsp is a graphic portrayal of her semi-nude torso after her back surgery. If that appeared on our timeline would we have clicked “like” or would we have scrolled on because her post would not have improved our own social media presence?

The Two Frida’s (1939) https://www.fridakahlo.org/the-two-fridas.jsp is another symbolic portrayal of Frida Kahlo’s emotional state regarding her husband Diego Rivera. I wonder if this piece would have been reposted or would we have commented on the dress and completely ignored the broken heart?

Oh yes, then there is that facial hair depicted with clarity and confidence in many of Frida’s self portraits. How many people would have unfollowed her on social media after she might have shared one of those pieces?

What would have become of Frida then? What would have happened to her bravery and her self esteem? Would self doubt have set in and would she have stopped painting? What a travesty that would have been? And what a void that would have left for the generations since.

Whether we agree with how Frida expressed herself or not, her influence is undeniable. By using her platform as an artist to mirror her life, and in turn by mirroring the lives of many people who face insurmountable struggles; Frida gave heartache, strength and courage a face. Her work is honest and raw. It is untainted by the influence of how many Instagram followers she lost or gained.

It seems that social media statistics seems is the benchmark for what we decide to feed our intellect and our hearts with. For myself, I hope to remain true by continuously living the truth of my journey with integrity and bravery. Our children need to know that we were more than perfectly taken selfies. They will need to know that we were genuine in our joy as well as in our pain.

So tell your story.

Even when they unfollow you.

Someone, somewhere is waiting for your bravery to set them free.

My Story September 5, 2018

I Am Bravely Making The Scary Choice

Have you ever thought why is this my life and how did I get here? Like me, you love the people who are in your life and you have created a beautiful life. When you look back, you are thankful because you realise that life could have been so much more cruel and the challenges you have overcome could have consumed you. So you know that you must be grateful for where you are.

Except there is that pervasive feeling that you are missing something that everyone else has already found. Or that you are just not where you should be.

It’s like we all set out for a walk and then some of us were given a different road map to follow while other people were allowed to follow the regular and more organised route. When we find ourselves back on the same path alongside them; it seems that they have gained skills, which we do not have, and they navigate the path with so much more ease and with some pizzazz too. And we feel kind of old and tired because the cares we have come to know create a fog around us.

There is our group hesitantly looking for the boulders and deep ditches. Planning for the storms that only we believe are bound to come while trying to be a good walking companion to the other group. We feel that the people from the other group have no idea where we have been. They listen and empathise but it is such a foreign journey to them that the only way they can reply is to talk as if they too have known the same fog.

“Oh yes, I found it awful to sleep out in the open. I mean my tent was so thin and I could feel the chill. I so wished I could have brought the warmth of the fire into the tent with me.”
And all the while the rest of us are thinking: “Tent? Where the heck did they get a tent from? We had no tent and we had nothing to start a fire with. Chill?? It was a storm!”

And so the feelings of bitterness and injustice are stirred as we are reminded of how the bends and curves of life have changed us. Everyone has tragedy and the impact of that is relative. However not everyone recovers in the same way and not everyone can start again on new terrain. Not everyone gets to feel the opposite to heartaches.

It’s all well and good that we hail challenges as life lessons that will help people to grow and become better. It’s not actually fair that those same people have to hustle alongside those who got to have the tent and a fire. Yet, that is the story of the human race.

I’d like to think that while we all travel together, there are those who share their tents and their warmth with others. If only for a little while. I’d also like to think that while we all like our stories to be acknowledged; we will also have the humility to know the difference between those that travel with a tent and those that have truly “roughed it”.

Looking back to this year, I tried to have those experiences that I thought would help me to grow and to stop asking how did I get here. I realised that I knew how I got here. What I was actually having trouble with was separating what about being here was what I truly liked and wanted, from what I thought I had to accept.

My career as an assistive technology advisor was something I was really good at but it did not make me happy. Atleast not the kind of happiness that I need. I thought about all the older people I knew, who worked the same job their whole lives and were content with retiring from that with the satisfaction of having provided well for their families.

I wondered what was wrong with me that I could not be like that…. Was I selfish? Was I ungrateful? Am I dreamer?

Maybe I’ve learnt that without the tent, I get to see the stars and without the warmth of a fire, I get to use the fire that is inside of me. I’ve learnt that the map I was given was useless anyway. I know the way to what makes me happy. It means climbing some mountains and wading through some rivers. It means picking berries and swimming in streams. It means having the courage to step off the path again and make my own path.

Here is what I hope you take from this:
*The act of believing in yourself speaks much louder than you will. But adding humility to that belief instead of pride booms even louder.

*No one can be as inspired by your life as you are. You alone know the personal costs. If you aren’t inspired to make your life what you want it to be, then you cannot expect anyone else to do that for you.

*When I become afraid of the future, I remind myself to look back and to see just how many of my worst fears I have already lived through and overcame.

Children are wonderful voices of encouragement. My son in his innocent way reminds me of all this when he merrily sings out at the top of his voice one of his favourite Elton John songs:

“Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I’m still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind”

Go have a listen. While the video will put a smile on your face, the song is so catchy that I dare you not to make it your own sing along as you plan your next move:).

Photo credits:
Desirae Pillay: Wesley Lazarus
Man walking alone: Michon van Staden