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My husband Michael returned to the hospital this morning for another “small” procedure (he has long covid complications). I wish that I was not a frequent-hospital-patient’s-plus-one. Yet, when all is said and done, I’d rather it be me standing next to the bedside of my family, than anyone else. This procedure was meant to only be a day procedure. However, from experience, it was best to err on the side of caution, therefore Michael is staying overnight.

This time of year, from spring until January next year, is what I refer to as our Maverick. Maverick is the giant wave professional surfers chase off Pillar Point Harbour, Northern California. It is known to be one of the most dangerous and treacherous waves, and those who ride the Maverick are hailed as Titans. For me, this season from now until January is my race to be a Titan! This is a look inside what being a caregiver is like for me.

Why is this season more challenging?

Savannah is more anxious during this time. She experiences the change of the season into Spring in ways which makes her physically uncomfortable. To cope, Savannah self-injures. She has improved so much in this, but it is still a coping strategy that she defaults to. Savannah is not even aware that she hurts herself. It is not severe and nothing that Dettol and keeping the skin clean won’t heal, as well as strategies to redirect her and to increase her awareness of what she is doing. Still, just seeing her abrasions, and feeling like I am not doing enough, takes something out of me that is mentally and emotionally exhausting.

Three years ago, an occupational therapist worked with Savannah towards her overall wellness. We have maintained and seen an increase in her wellness since then. Savannah never slept through the night before that, and her longest length of sleeplessness was about three weeks straight. Since her time with the occupational therapist, Savannah only wakes up some nights. That is a huge blessing. However, during this Maverick season, she tends to call out more often while asleep.

Then there are the celebrations like Diwali, Guy Fawkes, and New Year’s Eve when sometimes there are fireworks. In the last few years, Savannah copes much better on these actual days but in the weeks and months prior, she is fixated on what sounds will be heard. She talks about it relentlessly.

Added to this year’s Maverick season, is the uncertainty with Michael’s health and the challenges we’ve had with our car. Savannah takes both issues very personally. She is looking forward to some events over the next weeks and months with friends and family but now that her brain is in anxiety mode mixed with excitement, she needs much more support to cope.

Roll back to this present moment, and Michael’s procedure.

Savannah is very sweet and wants to be near him to pray for him. When she hears Michael having an asthma-related issue, her anxiety deepens. Hence, this was partly the reason for him to stay in the hospital overnight to fully recover and maybe lessen Savannah’s worries.

This is our reality. It doesn’t phase me as much as it is exhausting for me. Still, I cope. I learnt to breathe deeply and get the next task or job done while redirecting Savannah or talking her through it. When I watch surfers barrel a Maverick, I feel like that is an analogy that resonates with how I feel. Like a surfer in a tube of a wave, trying with all her strength to keep her balance to ride out the Maverick without falling.

I also know that no one is coming to save me from this. People will help. They will offer advice, a meal, a shoulder but every morning it remains up to me to get up out of bed, face the day and be brave enough to go again down the rabbit holes of my daughters’ mind and my husband’s health.

How do I cope?

I acknowledge that this is a tough role to sustain. Instead of having a fixed plan to cope, I have several options that I can interject into my day without it feeling like another stretch for my mind and my heart. My activity of preference is walking. When I can’t make the time to do that, I listen to a favourite playlist or a podcast, talk with people who I enjoy being with, or I write. And I love trees. Seriously, love trees. I photograph trees wherever I am.

I also lean into my faith where I trust that God cares for me too. Sometimes I cast my worries on Him, other times I am loud or silently weeping to a friend. At times, I am questioning, and other times I dance joyfully. Always I am not holding these highs and lows hidden inside me. I have a fulfilling life outside of caring for my family too because I need to be in the spaces of my ministry and work to remain soft.

Often family caregivers tell me that it is easier said than done. To have any life outside of being a caregiver. This is true.

So, say it, and keep saying it. Over and over. Until your ears carry it to your heart and mind. Until someone else can hold you, listen to you and help you. Until you know you have your soft space inside of you.

You matter too. Your joy, your dreams, your experiences, your challenges..it all matters. To help make it easier for you to go from saying it to doing it, tell me in the comments one activity, routine, or indulgence that you miss doing, and how you think you can start at it again.

Information about Savannah is shared with her permission.

The holidays are meant to be filled with joy, but they can also be stressful and challenging as many of us struggle with mental health. Looking after your wellbeing is more important than ever at Christmas time.

But, with uncertainty looming thanks to Covid numbers rising, the extra stress of navigating family dynamics and worries about loneliness for some, you might be in need of some serious survival tips to get through the festive season.

With this in mind, our Panda team have shared their invaluable tips on ways you can support your mental health this festive season.

Six ways to support your mental health this festive season

Christmas carols are playing on the radio, tinsel is winking at us from the shops, and most of us are feeling – well, a little flat. 

The festive season can be challenging at the best of times, given the flurry of last-minute activities and the pressure to have a wonderful time. This is often exacerbated by feelings of loneliness, and a natural reaction to the loss many have experienced at a time when we are urged to value those around us. Throw in the climbing Covid-19 statistics, a new variant, and it’s easy to understand why the prevailing mood is one of depression, anxiety and angst, rather than festivity. 

The good news? There’s plenty you can do to boost your mental and emotional wellness at this time.

  1. Release the pressure

No, you don’t have to feel as if it’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, you don’t have to go to another party if you don’t want to or don’t feel safe to do so. No, you don’t have to deck the halls. We receive a lot of messages from the media around this time of year, telling us how we ‘should’ be feeling, and the outcome is that we may feel guilty, resentful and out of sorts if we don’t fit in with the image of the ‘perfect’ festive break. The solution? Ditch the sense of obligation, and lower your expectations. The reality is that for some people, this time of year isn’t magical at all – it can be really hard. If you fit into this category, give yourself permission to feel unhappy.

  1. Take care of the basics

This is a message you would have heard many times over the past year, but that doesn’t make it any less valid: all the emotional ‘stuff’ is a lot easier to deal with if your physical wellbeing is taken care of. That means eating well (perhaps even giving up some of the indulgences of the season), getting enough sleep and exercising. 

  1. Don’t be afraid of disappointing others

The meaning of Christmas has become blurred behind a flurry of commercial messaging – which means that there is a heavy emphasis on extravagant gifting. That can place enormous pressure on those of us who are battling with the economic fallout from Covid – or who simply don’t want to buy into consumerism. What to do..? Stand your ground. Have a conversation with those who will share your celebrations and maybe set some ground rules: perhaps you can all agree to give presents to the children only, for example, or set a price limit on gifts. Accept that you may be able to please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time…. 

By the same token, try to resist some of the social pressure that comes with this time of year. If you don’t feel like the drama of an intense family or friends ‘get-together’, explain that you’re happy to pop in for an hour or so, but cannot stay longer. See how it goes, don’t over commit.

  1. Reach out to a professional

It’s ironic that although more people than ever are suffering from mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety, generally speaking, society still stigmatises these conditions – to the extent that many remain reluctant to seek assistance when they might desperately need it. The ‘Join Panda’ App provides a great solution in the form of a free-to-download app that makes it possible to access community support; check out information around mental wellness, and even get expert help, anonymously. The app, which is free of any charges in 2021, also has the functionality to track and monitor progress, using a gamified approach which makes the process far less daunting. Available via Apple store here https://apps.apple.com/za/app/join-panda/id1573239587 or Android here: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.joinpanda.panda or search for ‘Join Panda’ in the app stores. 

  1. Gift yourself

It’s natural to think of others at this time of year, but concentrate on what will help you to remain calm and happy. Would it help to review and reset your boundaries? Do you need some time out – a quiet morning, a meditation, or a walk? Figure out what you need, and take the time to do it. A long chat with an old friend or a deep and meaningful one with a counsellor? Consider downloading the Panda app when you feel stressed, alone or just a bit sad- you will be able to talk to others who understand your feelings, or even a counsellor if you need.

  1. Plan ahead

It’s not possible to avoid all the stressors that come with the festive season. There will be work tasks to complete before travelling, travel chaos and activities to attend. There will be lots of indulgences that might leave you feeling physically sluggish and lacking the vitality to tackle problems. There will probably be an odd argument with a family member (or two). Try to plan your days to give yourself enough time to recuperate and revive after all that socialising. This will give you a little space to make plans that will be less stressful, like time out to do your hobbies.

Background on the Panda Mental Health Support App:

The Panda App makes mental health support more accessible

With so few South Africans receiving the help they need, there’s a potential solution to this challenge in the form of the Join Panda app – a free-to-download digital app that is designed to put mental health information, community support and expert help literally in the palm of your hand.

The Panda App is the brainchild of Allan Sweidan, a clinical psychologist who previously co-founded and headed up the Akeso Group of Psychiatric Hospitals, and Alon Lits, former General Manager and Director of Uber in Sub-Saharan Africa. The app makes it easy for anyone to invest time into their mental wellbeing by anonymously connecting to an array of valuable resources to assist them on their journey to improved mental health. 

Users of the app have free access to the ‘Forest’, which allows them to engage with a community of other app users who may be facing similar challenges. The app also offers assessment tools to enable users to measure their mental well-being. A gamified tracking tool lets users document and monitors the progress they are making on their personal mental health journey. 

Anonymity is key to so many health-support programmes, as many people are reluctant to publicly share their personal challenges, and this is core to the Panda app.

For many people across the country, mental health support is considered to be inaccessible or too expensive. While it’s estimated that a third of all people will at one time or another experience at least one mental health issue during their lifetime, many of these individuals don’t have the luxury of time, money, medical aid, or even transport to find a professional with whom to discuss their anxieties or feelings of depression. This makes the digital format for care a welcomed alternative solution. 

For anyone who feels too afraid or stigmatised, or for whom mental health care and support are simply not available or affordable, the free-to-download digital Panda App has been designed to provide them with easy access to mental health information, community support and expert help. Available on app stores by searching “Join Panda” or the app stores or via 

the Apple store here https://apps.apple.com/za/app/join-panda/id1573239587 

Android here: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.joinpanda.panda). 

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Twitter @JoinPandaApp – https://twitter.com/JoinPandaApp

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Facebook: @JoinPandaApp – https://www.facebook.com/JoinPandaApp/

LinkedIn: JoinPanda  linkedin.com/joinpanda

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