“She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible. She walked with the universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings”.
I am honoured to wish my mum a very Happy 60th Birthday.
To our daughter Savannah.
Today the world celebrates Autism Awareness Day.
We don’t need a day to celebrate you. As an autistic person you have taught us so much about Love and Respect.
You have challenged our way of thinking and being. You have taught us to let go of what is unnecessary in life and fight like crazy for what is worth living for. Family!
As the world celebrates Autism Awareness, we celebrate our journey with you. We are bound to each others fate in a way only few other parents in this world are bound to their children. Sometimes that’s hard for me, and I know it is hard for you too.
We’ve come so far though, and we’ve survived being judged, lonely, sad, other people’s ignorance and so many of life’s set backs.
We are braver than we knew we could be. We are more resilient. Mostly we are kinder, more gentle and much more appreciative of life because of the journey that you are on.
I hope we make you proud because you make us proud to be your family everyday. Your dad and I love you more than all the sand in the ocean and all the stars in the sky. It hurts when we find that sometimes it is not enough to protect you and ourselves from the harshness of the world we live in.
So let us hope as the World turns its attention to Autism, they will make real changes that truly impact your life in a way that is meaningful to you.
Wherever we go to from here, please remember this:
I Do Not Cry For Who You Are
by (author unknown)
Tears have stopped falling
On the fragments of my dreams,
I no longer mourn illusions
Of yesterday’s reality.
Tears that fell so often,
Almost every day,
But that was when the rain poured down,
And the sky was always gray.
Now I feel the sunshine,
And the sky is blue again,
I’m living on a rainbow,
but I still cry now and then.
I do not cry for who you are
Nor what will never be
My pain’s in the confusion
And the vulnerability
My frustration’s with a society,
That cannot see you’re mine,
My anger’s to the ignorance,
That will never try.
My fear is from uncertainty
That increases over time.
My guilt is deep inside my soul,
Each time they make me cry.
I do not cry for who you are
Nor what can never be
I cry because they look at you
But never really see
They don’t see how the differences,
Could make the world complete,
They can’t all live on rainbows,
It’s just not meant to be.
You are not responsible,
For all that we’ve been through,
I would not change you for the world,
I would change the world for you.
All our love
Mum and dad x
By Desirae and Michael Pillay (non autistic parents to Savannah Pillay, an autistic young adult)
I don’t believe in assuming what Savannah might be thinking, but just as I imagine what I’d like Talisa or Eli to think about me, sometimes I imagine what deeper conversations are denied to Savannah and I because of her disability.
“I know different” by Tricia Proefrock helps my imagination and lightens some of the burdens of my heart. May it do the same for those of you who walk the same path. And may it help you to be Different to us if you are not on this path.
I KNOW DIFFERENT
by Tricia Proefrock
Dear mommy,
I have felt your tears, falling on my face. Someone else might think they are tears of sadness, because of what I can’t do…I KNOW DIFFERENT.
I know those tears pour from your heart out of gratitude for me, because of what I CAN do : I can love everyone in the purest form possible.
Unconditionally. I can be judged, but will never judge in return. I know different because I feel, in your hugs and kisses, that I’m perfect just the way I am.I have seen you hang your head down in shame, when we go out on adventures. Someone else might think you are ashamed of having a child like me…I KNOW DIFFERENT.
I know you are ashamed of the grown-ups who ignore me, yet talk happily to all the other children. The grown-ups who won’t look you in the eye, but stare at me, when they think you don’t see. I know different because I’ve seen the many, many more times you have raised your head up high, with pride, because I’m yours. : )
I have heard you whispering desperate prayers at night. Someone else might think you are asking God to make me a typical kid…I KNOW DIFFERENT.
I know you are thanking Him that I got to be here, with you, for another day- exactly how I am. I know different because I have heard you ask me never to leave you. And I have heard you cheer for me, every single day of my life- you tell me I don’t need to be typical to be amazing, I just need to be here.
I know you have a big job, taking care of me. I know your body hurts, because I’m getting so big. I know that more than anything, you want to hear me say your name. And I know you worry that you aren’t good enough, and that you will fail me…BUT I KNOW DIFFERENT MOMMY.
I know that even on your worst days, you will always be enough for me, and I will always love you more than you know.
